Here at The Insurance Emporium we talk a lot about how pets are as much a part of our families as humans, and yet sometimes when a pet dies it’s not acknowledged in the same way. We often feel surprised at how much it affects us, maybe even embarrassed; there’s almost a feeling that a pet dying shouldn’t affect us in the same way as a human death does, a sense of ‘it was only a dog/cat’.
But your pet will have been an important part of your life; you loved them and they loved you back. They were part of your family life, your daily routine and your identity, so it’s perfectly normal to miss them, and perfectly normal to feel sad.
There’s no escaping grief when a beloved pet dies, but there are things you can do to help you cope with the grief.
THE GRIEF PROCESS AFTER LOSING A BELOVED PET
Everyone grieves differently and you might go through different stages. You might feel numb one minute, sad the next; you might be in denial for a while, and then angry or guilty. All of this is normal, there is no right or wrong way to grieve and it’s not always linear; you might feel ok one day, then sad again the next and there’s no time limit to grief. It could continue for a long time, or it could feel like it passes then hits you again, it’s a very individual process.
COPING WITH THE GRIEF OF LOSING A PET
There’s no avoiding the feelings after your pet has died, and there’s no way of speeding up the process, but there are things you can do to help you cope:
- Time – it’s important to give yourself time to feel what you’re feeling, without comparing yourself to anyone else or trying to rush it. Your relationship with your pet was unique to you.
- Be kind to yourself – grieving can be physically and emotionally draining, so make sure you look after yourself; get plenty of sleep, eat well and try to do some exercise, even just a short walk.
- Talk – talking about how you’re feeling can really help you process your feelings. If people around you don’t quite understand the connection you had with your pet (which can happen with people who aren’t pet owners themselves) you could try talking to other pet owners, if not in person, then online; via social media or online forums.
- Write a journal – putting your feelings down on paper also helps with the grieving process; whether that’s writing down memories, noting down how you’re feeling that day, or even writing a letter to your pet – it all helps to process your feelings so you’re not bottling them up.
- Start a new routine – a big part of owning a pet is the routine; you feed them at a certain time and, in the case of dog owners, you tend to walk them at the same times too, so you can feel very lost when they’re not there anymore. It’s important to still get out and about and see people when you’re feeling sad, so try to do something that gets you out of the house, even if it’s just a walk with a friend. It’s often easier to talk while walking too, as there are plenty of distractions.
- Deal with their things when you’re ready – some people want to remove their pet’s things straight away – feeding bowls, toys, collars etc. While others need more time, there are no rules for this so do it when it feels right for you.
- Create a memorial – having a ceremony to mark the occasion can help the grieving process. Having somewhere, or something, that gives you and your family a way to remember your pet will help you find a way to move forward.
GUILT
Often a pet owner must make the difficult decision to have their pet put to sleep, and it’s normal to question this decision. It’s never an easy decision to make, but it’s one based on love for your pet and a desire not to see them suffer. Often this decision is made at a time when your pet isn’t enjoying the quality of life they had previously enjoyed and it’s the only way to stop them suffering.
HELPING YOUR FAMILY COPE WITH LOSING A PET
- Helping children understand pet loss
Having a pet die is upsetting for anyone, but often it can be a child’s first experience of death. Even if they have experienced it before, it’s important to be as open and honest with them as possible; they learn from us and how they experience this will have an impact on how they experience other losses in their lives.
It’s also a good time to teach them that it’s ok to feel sad; they might feel confused about their feelings, so if we talk about all the emotions we’re going through and give them a chance to be open about their own, it will reassure them.
It may raise a lot of questions, as well as making them worry that other people they love may also die, so it’s important to try to answer any questions as honestly as possible (in an age-appropriate way) even if it’s upsetting for you. It could help to involve them in planning a memorial; they could help create a memory box, draw a picture or decorate a photo frame.
- Helping seniors cope with the death of a pet
Older people often rely on their pet for companionship, routine, exercise and a chance to get out and chat to people. Losing a pet could bring back feelings of grief that they’ve experienced when they’ve lost friends and family, and it can increase feelings of loneliness – a home can feel very empty and lonely after a pet dies.
It’s tempting to shut yourself away after a pet has died, and avoid walks etc. that remind you of them, but it’s important to still get out and speak to people. Often after a pet dies there is talk of getting another pet, but this can be complicated with older people, as there may be a chance the new pet could outlive their owner.
RECOGNISING GRIEF IN OTHER PETS
It’s not just humans who experience grief when a pet dies, other pets might be confused too. They may be off their food or seem a little subdued; they’ll probably need some reassurance so try to stick to their usual routine and give them lots of positive attention. They might need distracting with games or extra walks, which can be a distraction for you too.
WAYS TO REMEMBER YOUR PET
Everyone’s relationship with their pet is different, so the ways you remember will be too, and very personal to you. Some people want to hold a funeral or some kind of memorial service, others just want to scatter the ashes in a special place, or maybe bury them in the garden. Photos and keepsakes, such as a scrapbook, help keep them close, or you could plant a tree/plant in their memory.
WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO GET ANOTHER PET?
You’ll know when it’s the right time, although it’s worth remembering that new pets need time to settle in and adjust, which could be quite difficult to manage if you and your family (and any other pets) are still getting used to not having your pet around. It could be confusing for young children too. But there are so many benefits of having a dog, for example, it would be a shame not to let another pet into your home.
RESOURCES
If you feel like you’re struggling with dealing with your grief, or not feeling in control of your emotions, speak to your vet or GP. There are also plenty of books, websites and helplines out there:
- The Blue Cross have numerous ways to get in touch via phone, email and a Facebook community.
- Cats Protection have their Paws to Listen service which offers support and resources.
- The British Horse Society has a Friends at the End initiative for anyone dealing with the death of a horse.
Losing a pet can leave a huge hole in our lives, and it can feel a bit overwhelming, but there are ways to make it a little easier. The main thing is to give yourself time to grieve and remember there are no shortcuts; eventually you’ll be able to think of your lovely pet with a smile.
Here at The Insurance Emporium we understand the importance of pet insurance. We know that all pets are unique, so our policies are designed to be flexible, offering different levels of cover that you can then tweak. Death of Pet is a standard benefit on our Time Limited, Maximum Benefit and Lifetime pet insurance policies, there’s also a 10% multi-pet discount. Visit the website today and get a free, no-strings quote and see how we can tailor a policy to suit your needs.
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